Life’s Ponderables

Life in our modern world is downright terrifying.  If you follow the news regularly, as most of us do, you risk falling into a deep depression.  What with global warming, sky high inflation, and the Jan. 6 hearings—to mention just a fraction of our world’s unpredictable environment—there is no question that we need to be vigilant with our mental health. Experts recommend that people periodically forgo looking at the news on their smart phones or television. They are right. It’s a matter of self-preservation.  So, take a pause and reset your making-it-through-life button.   

One of my favorite activities during the down time from the news is to ponder.  What exactly does that mean?  It means to focus your thoughts on something that matters to you.  It could be something trivial or something serious such as “why do people litter?” Consider the “why, what or how” of something even if it might be a rhetorical question and not have a plausible answer.  In fact, it really doesn’t matter as your ultimate goal is to recalibrate your mindset, not to answer the $64,000 question. 

There is no stopwatch needed for this exercise. You determine where and for how long you want to do this “pause.” You can ruminate on questions which nag at you for whatever reason. However, I recommend purposely thinking about something which is not too terribly stressful and perhaps even amusing or joyful. Such as “Who wrote the book of love?” as suggested by my Chicago-based pal, Steve Adcock whose astute curiosity, dry wit, and wonderfully wacky way of looking at the world never fails to make me smile.  

For this post, I canvassed a few friends from different parts of the country and from different age groups. I asked what their favorite “ponderables” were.  Their responses were revealing, provocative and sometimes even amusing. I hope some of them will resonate with you as they did with me. 

Let’s start with Steve’s ponderables as he was “all in” when I first proposed the topic earlier this month.   

·         Why do people litter? Even in the most beautiful of settings? They carried that bottle of water all the way here and now it’s empty and they can’t carry it out? 

·         Even though the space is otherwise empty, why do strangers have to camp/park/picnic/sit next to us? 

·         What do people do for a living in some of these out of the way places?  

Steve’s wife, Connie Maneaty, a retired analyst and avid sports fan, had a baseball-related ponderable to contribute.  In fact, she referred to it as “imponderable” which may be an even more accurate term than the one I’ve chosen, at least in this case!  

·         Why are baseball players always chewing something: tobacco, gum, seeds?  

Connie further elaborated remarking that “fewer of them chew tobacco now than historically, but how did tobacco gain a foothold in the sport in the first place? Why are they always spitting?  I don't think they are allowed to spit out chewing tobacco, so they spit out the shells around the seeds.  But most of them spit when they are not chewing.  What's up with that?”  

Last week at lunch I cornered Good Housekeeping’s former food editor, Susan Westmoreland, who confessed she often wonders:

·         Why do grownups ride bicycles on the sidewalks and not in the bike lane?  

Every time my cycling partner and another food editor, Jan Hazard, walks the streets of New York she ponders:

·         What happed to the signs for $150 fines for not picking up after your dog? 

Jan will be happy to know that New York’s Department of Sanitation has recently undertaken a new campaign to clean up the streets and has upped the ante.  The Department recently stated that, “There is no poop fairy.  Dog walkers or owners are responsible for picking up after their dogs or risk being fined $250!”

Wine educator Jan Steubing Smyth has always been curious to know as many of us do:

·         Why do people pay good money for torn blue jeans?  

Irish-born Mary Gorman-Adams, MW (a title comparable to a PhD in wine studies), and now a Manhattan resident, was happy to share her pet peeves:  

·         Why do people not say “please” when ordering a coffee or whatever? 

·         Why do people feel the need to always use the ‘I’ word when ‘we’ is more inclusive and collegial?  

·         Why is the world so intolerant of difference? Or, at best, need to ignore it rather than try to understand, embrace, and enjoy difference?  

·         Why do we have such a gun culture in the US? 

 Mary’s son, Luca, who is a strapping Hamilton College sophomore, got in on the act as well. He proffered: 

 ·         Why do people talk on speaker phone in public?

 ·         Why do people begin a sentence with “like?”

 Lars Leicht, my favorite Italian wine marketing guru, ponders:

·         Why people argue about politics, especially among friends and family.

Lars added that he values his “personal relationships far too highly to challenge and provoke dear ones over why they take a certain stand. I respect them for it, and certainly appreciate intelligent dialogue, but it rarely stays civil. I’ve been around long enough to know that nobody is going to sway anybody’s politics – let alone their vote – in today’s deeply divided America. I love ‘my circle’ far too much to exclude any of them from my life over their beliefs.”

A less sensitive ponderable for Lars include what he refers to as the “Massapequa stand-off”:

·         Why do people engage in the “Great Long Island Autumn Leaf Exchange?

Lars describes this as “a phenomenon in certain areas of Nassau and Suffolk counties and doubtless many other regions where most people don’t cut their own lawn anymore. The landscapers engaged by each respective homeowner become overwhelmed by “the fall” and blow a discretionary amount of leaves over the property line or into the street, until the hired blower of the neighbor reciprocates. This sounds like a stand-off to me with the leaves being the proud winners.”

The next respondent, Willson Power, retired interior designer and real estate broker, lives in the deep south.  Columbia, South Carolina to be precise or as he calls it LOC for “Little Old Columbia.” Being very gregarious and social by nature, Willson is still perplexed by:

·         Why the fancy-pants people (in my hometown) don't put the words "black tie" on a formal wedding invitation or formal dinner invitation especially if they want you to come in black tie !?!  

This is most certainly a regional thing or “thang,” as Willson’s neighbors would call it.  Further, he recounts how locals expect that you know that it is formal attire if the event is at 6:30pm or later!  He went on to recount how one local bride even put 6:29PM on her wedding invitation so that her friends would know not to wear black tie! Willson ponders how this dress code came about.  Was it Emily Post or Amy Vanderbilt who set the rule of black tie AFTER 6:30PM? 

While my quick goggle search could not attribute the originator of this specific rule of etiquette—other than it came to America from England—Martha Stewart, the all-knowing expert on all “how-to” topics, happily gave her advice. According to Martha and Laurie Arons, the wedding consultant interviewed for the magazine article on the subject, “Black tie attire is appropriate for receptions starting at 6:00PM or later, with suits or morning suits recommended for the afternoon hours." Martha goes on to instruct her readers that “Though not every wedding follows these rules, she explains that ladies can still follow suit (pun intended!) by choosing lighter and brighter colors for daytime events, and deeper, more formal tones for the evening.” By the way, Martha tells us, black for ladies is completely acceptable today, however, the color white is reserved for Brides only. 

My granddaughter Nicole Lauber, a 32-year-old marketing executive, has a favorite musing:

·         Why do we (humans, that is) have an inclination to sometimes do what we know isn't best for ourselves? This applies to instances big and small, whether it’s staying up too late at night binging on a tv show, or staying in a job for years where you're underpaid, and your work is undervalued? Is it that we’re too comfortable in the moment without thinking about our future selves?” 

Nicole’s millennial husband, Ben Judd, is equally serious in what he sometimes thinks about during those private moments of philosophical pausing:  

·         Growth is often perceived as a positive, but why is that? The only thing that grows consistently is cancer—not exactly a positive. So why is growth something that we’re always trying to achieve, and why do companies always have growth goals? Is it not enough to just “be” or focus on other ways to improve?  

Naturally I have my own favorites, too.  To jumpstart the conversation for this post a week ago, I asked Steve if he knew the answer to my ponderable:

·         Why do watch ads always show the large and small hands in the 10:10 position?  

Steve theorized—and turned out to be right! —that the symmetry of the two hands’ positions does not hid the watch maker’s name. This fact also proves how well advertisers have been doing their jobs over the years as many people have never even noticed the iconic 10:10 clockface position.    

Something else which has possessed me for years happens almost every time I step foot into a museum.   

·         Why are museum exhibition signs so hard to read?   

While studies on the signs’ attracting power and the holding power of visitors have shown that people tend to prefer reading short explanations, curators can’t help themselves. They frequently offer long, esoteric legends which only fellow colleagues can understand. Research also points out that people will spend more time reading the information if it is in a larger typeface. Then why do museums persist in using such small typeface? Can it be to cram in as much information as possible in the allotted space in order to impress and show-off? Or could it be that most of the people who write the legends are younger than me and have better eyes too?  

While I continue to ponder the museum question, Joan Ross, my fellow Italian class studentessa, frequently asks herself:

 ·         How is it that we Americans can’t drink the water in Mexico without getting deathly ill, but we can eat fruits and vegetables from Mexico that are grown in and full of that very same water. I’m sure there’s a scientific answer but I’d rather ponder about it while munching on grapes grown in Mexico.   

So, dear readers, ponder, meditate, muse, or ruminate. Whatever you want to call it, the process nourishes the soul. It’s easy, free, and cathartic plus it can be done anywhere from a park bench to a church pew.  You’ll be surprised how good you’ll feel afterwards.  You might even be ready to face this crazy world again refreshed with a new energy, sense of self-control and empathy for those other stressed-out individuals racing by you.